Remember the previous blog post where I write about a friendship gone sour? And still not knowing how, when, why and where? I just realised something and it feels like a huge weight fell off my shoulders.
I realised I already knew the answers to these questions. However, I simply wasn’t able to open my eyes and tell myself out loud how, where and why the friendship went wrong.
I know why.
No, I knew why!
The memories belonged to three traumatic experiences, and going over exactly what happened once again made me realise what I was doing to myself. The word ‘traumatic’ is a very large word that covers many layers and I rarely use it unless it belongs to someone else’s experiences, but what happened seemed traumatic to me. Indeed other people have deemed it as such also.
Going over friendships gone wrong – being too hard on myself – I found that people have no right to make you feel any less because of having a disability. It’s discrimination, it is wrong, it is painful and it scars.
So what went wrong exactly? I’ve been drip-feeding memories about it in what I write because slowly but surely the truth came out. Being physically left behind, literally leaving me to fight my severe fatigue and chronic pains to find my way home, not once, but on several occasions, that was just not on.
Other equally painful issues happened but I faced up to them the last few days, and I will not let it dominate my life any further. No more blog posts about this will be written, it is done and dusted.
Even now I still feel loyalty though and I don’t want to go into the nitty-gritty details for the sake of this person, but it showed me one thing: this friendship was built on false pretences. Not small ones, but very large pretences.
Hasta la vista friendship!
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