FEATURED: A Powerful Letter to MS

Multiple Sclerosis.

You’re here.

Not residing anywhere else but here, inside me. Nine years and counting. Probably a lot longer if you really want to play dirty.

Why did you choose me when there were so many other people you could have picked? You were probably out for vengeance for working too hard and resting too little. You probably thought it would be fun seeing me cry at the bottom of the staircase when I was so tired I couldn’t climb it anymore. Did you know, did you truly believe it was slapstick-funny?

Have I not been living with enough illnesses already that you had to add yourself to my central nervous system like a piece of superglue Velcro? I had abdominal surgery a mere three months before you crashed into me. You took over my eyes and created new levels of pain in my body, feelings I never believed I’d have.

I saw specialist doctors who said my ears were just fine when your trigeminal neuralgia took hold of the left side of my face. My old GP thought I had severe ear infections for five months, but I knew that was the wrong answer. I went to dentists, ENT doctors and other super-intelligent human beings who had no idea what eye and facial pain even felt like.

How dare you take over my life? How dare you change my relationships, professional life and upset my family and friends? Two of my friends blatantly said they couldn’t handle my illness; one ran off, the other one I let go with a lot of pain in my heart because our friendship was based on a lie.

My family? They’re my rock, my everything. Some have also said things that make me tremble inside of hurt, because they don’t know what it feels like to live in my misshapen brain.

The worst thing of all was having to retire at the age of 36. I loved my job, I loved working hard, but you took that away from me. It’s no fun having to take anti-narcolepsy tablets like they are candy. Without them, I can’t make it through the day otherwise. You, you ignorant, selfish, disturbing illness did all that to me. But I won’t let you win. No way.

Where was the manual that showed me how to adapt, accept and live? There were none, was there? MS just hits you like a ton of bricks, and the rest you have to figure out yourself. No two people are alike with MS, so you really outdid yourself!

You made each of us different. MS has 50+ different symptoms, and multiple sclerosis just wants you to go through it alone. I never asked for you, I never wanted you so I sure as hell want you gone. For good.

I figured you out though.

I got you… yet I won.

I won fantastic new friends and a totally new philosophy on life.

I won love where I thought there was none.

In need, you truly learn who your real friends are. I found trust in those that stuck around.

You don’t own me MS, you don’t get praise for having me. No matter how bad you treat me in the future, I will own you instead.

You’re you and I’m me. One thing I will never lose is the knowledge that I conquered you. Perhaps not physically, but mentally I am stronger than you.

You’re here to stay, but I won.

I won yesterday.

I win today.

And I will win tomorrow also.

1385024_568109039909093_1792265570_n

© WVE and Ireland, MS and Me, 2011-2014. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to WVE and Ireland, MS and Me with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About these ads

17 Comments

  1. plaridel says:

    you write well and i feel every word. someday, i hope to read your published works. in the meantime, I’d be stalking your blog. don’t worry, i’d be quiet and behave like an adult. :)

    Like

  2. Tina Schell says:

    Hi Billie; love your spirit and hope you are able to kick MS’s butt soon. You sound like a real fighter so go get it girl!!! You did a pingback on my Mother’s Day post from back in May. You might get better results from the current post which is here http://travelsandtrifles.wordpress.com/2014/01/12/weekly-photo-challenge-windows-around-the-world/ . Would love to see you generate some interest from the pingback. Good to “meet” you!

    Like

Penny for your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

HardWriteTurn

Prose, short stories, photography, and time to think.

Irish Blogs

Uncovering Irish Blogs One Blog at a Time

A Writer's Path

Sharing writing tips, information, and advice.

MS Community

Connect. Inspire. Strenghthen.

betaburns

research | rights | inclusivity

Godinterest Blog

Your source for insights and information about Godinterest.com

Beyond the Masquerade

The girl behind the mask and the world through her eyes!

RoseNathan

Meeting Business Companies

G.O.P (Huynh Tran The Anh) - Food - Travel - Fruis - SocTrang Province - Vietnam

My Name: Huynh Tran The Anh Birth Of date: 07/1987 Add:428/3 Pham Hung Street, 8 Ward, SocTrang Province, Vietnam Mobile:0977.436.094

Epilepsy Awareness Squad

Eradicating the rumours and stigma about epilepsy from the face of the earth.

Something Like a Storybook

This is where Morgan Bradham shares stuff.

Sarah's MS Blog

This is my blog to talk about and share my experience of my newly diagnosed MS.

EdMooneyPhotography

Kildare based Photographer Edward Mooney

livingwithbonecancer.wordpress.com

A blog about my personal experience with bone cancer and life in general!

MS Warrior

Daily Upside Down Life of a MS Warrior

The Stranger Canvas

Live. Love. Dream. Explore

ideas.ted.com

Explore ideas worth spreading, every weekday

The Dude With A Blog

Personal, Fun Blog That Will Make You Smile, Laugh And Even Cry

Author -Carole Parkes

Psychological, thriller, mystery, secrets, betrayal, adoption, romance, poetry, art

Rantings of an Amateur Chef

Food...cooking...eating....tools - What works, and what doesn't!

Indie Hero

Brian Marggraf, Author of Dream Brother: A Novel, Independent publishing advocate, New York City dweller

minnealaskan

A great WordPress.com site

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,108 other followers

%d bloggers like this: